my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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