Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
