Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
