My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We have started to decorate penises.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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