so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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