Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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