im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
