You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
