It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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