So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
