to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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