ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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