My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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