Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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