Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
