Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The police scanner is talking about you again....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize