our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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