i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
