when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
