There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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