every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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