Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
