Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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