his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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