Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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