can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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