i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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