she told me i tasted like america
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
