I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
