Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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