take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
