is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
