I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
