Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
