Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Even my vagina gasped.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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