She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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