Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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