you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
