i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just sucked dick on a ferry
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
