Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You can't special order awesome
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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