I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
please don't ironically join a cult
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