What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
