i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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