Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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