Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
