I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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