i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
