The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
