Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
