I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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