If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
