Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize