Define "chronic" masturbator.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He? As in you personified your dick?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
