you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
