You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
