i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
