Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
