Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
