i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
