I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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