Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
