One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there was a trapeze. enough said
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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