And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
