member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize