I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
