apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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