you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
