This is not my ceiling
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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