oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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