I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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