the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
