how can u be prego again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
