I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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