In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
