What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
handjob tips. give me some.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
