Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
