She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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