The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
