Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
