I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
