The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
