I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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