Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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