Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
