Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
