Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm passing your future prison.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
